Not-so-secret Santa

Every Christmas morning when the Monitor was a wee one, it would get up early, bound down the steps and run to the den to see what Santa had brought. And sure enough, every Christmas morning there sat a stocking — full from top-to-toe — on top of a present or two.

But before

tearing into its booty, the Monitor would take a moment, lower its head and thank any and all divine powers for one thing: you don’t always get what you deserve. In the spirit of giving I’d like to share some of the Christmas desires from some of the newsmakers of 2002. I don’t know if they’ll get what they want, but the Monitor knows what they need and deserve.

  • What Bryant Jackson wants: Metafore head honcho would like a couple of high-profile clients to replace York Central Hospital and Merrill Lynch, both of whom made tracks for greener reseller pastures in 2002.
  • What he needs: A copy of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.


  • What the Canadian Council of Professional Engineers (CCPE) wants: Exclusive and non-revocable rights to the word engineer and foreign equivalents. Squabbled seemingly all year with anyone who used the word . . . I’m not sure I can use it.
  • What it deserves: Carrot Top to change his name to Professional Engineer.


  • What Bell DSL subscribers, Rogers Internet users and the Residential Broadband Users’ Association want: Unlimited bandwidth and no cap on downloads or uploads.
  • What they need: Definitions of rights and privileges and a copy of the Canadian Constitution.


  • What Bill Gates wants: All the lawsuits, trials and investigations to go away.
  • What he needs: To spend a month in front of a TV looping Matlock re-runs.


  • What Larry Ellison wants: Whatever Bill Gates has.
  • What he needs: Whatever Bill Gates deserves.


  • What the “”Dude, you’re getting a Dell”” kid wants: A job.
  • What he needs: A lifetime of work at a Dell customer call centre.





  • What Research in Motion wants: sue the pants off anyone within a country mile of its intellectual property.
  • What it needs: fresh Berries.


  • What Michael Cowpland wants: I have absolutely no idea, but I’d guess a return to the spotlight.
  • What he deserves: A second chance (come on, it’s Christmas).

Comment: [email protected]

Would you recommend this article?

Share

Thanks for taking the time to let us know what you think of this article!
We'd love to hear your opinion about this or any other story you read in our publication.


Jim Love, Chief Content Officer, IT World Canada

Featured Download

Featured Story

How the CTO can Maintain Cloud Momentum Across the Enterprise

Embracing cloud is easy for some individuals. But embedding widespread cloud adoption at the enterprise level is...

Related Tech News

Get ITBusiness Delivered

Our experienced team of journalists brings you engaging content targeted to IT professionals and line-of-business executives delivered directly to your inbox.

Featured Tech Jobs